I'm almost half way through my last pregnancy, and I'm sick with God-knows-what. One of my children is sick as well, but we know it's the flu for certain. My poor baby is miserable, and I really can't do much to help him.
On an unrelated note, I've been having a lot of flashbacks and moments of involuntary reflection lately. I don't have another appointment until Halloween. My sleep loss is unchanged, not worse and not any better. How much is due to my mental health and how much is due to my pregnancy is uncertain. When I do sleep, it's deep enough that if I am dreaming, I'm unawares. This is good, at least that means no nightmares bothering me. I have felt extra 'clingy' to my husband lately, needing reassurance for no apparent reason. I think he's picking up on this too, because he's meeting that need more and more before I even "ask". Thank you God for a good intuitive man! Knowing I have a man willing to meet the challenges that having a wife with PTSD can present, brings me a lot of peace and comfort. I know I can count on him to be there.
Also recently, a well known man, CNN founder Ted Turner made an asinine comment that made me wish i could reach out and slap him. He made remarks to the tune of: " I think it's good soldiers are committing suicide in large amounts." Really? His reasoning was along the lines of that they were killing themselves because they had a severe aversion to war and the "immoral acts" they are directed to commit. Aside from the fact this guy makes me sick(er), I can't say I'm surprised coming from Hanoi Jane's ex husband. Go figure right? Well buddy, this is one soldier who hasn't killed herself, because special folks took the time to help me see I had more to live for and that I could heal. I am blessed, I was saved. Sadly, not everyone gets the chance I got, and they become a statistic for douche bags like Turner to comment on. If i could send out a heartfelt message to all my brothers & sisters out there, struggling like I have and still do, I'd tell them, "don't give up, it's not worth throwing in the towel, not yet." I'm not giving up, I've already tasted the sweetness of healing. That's pushing me on. I want to get better again. THAT is worth it, for me, my husband, my kids, my friends, everyone who cares about me and has been touched by this. I'm not going to let PTSD win. Take that Mr. Turner.
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